Talking Classics Compact Disc On the Internet

by Keith Apicary

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All of Keith Apicary's songs with music by FantomenK together for real low stupid cheap.

credits

released May 9, 2011

Music by FantomenK 8bc.org/members/FantomenK/
Lyrics by Keith Apicary

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Keith Apicary Woonsocket, Rhode Island

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Track Name: Four Bright Buttons and Two Joysticks "Neo Geo"
Neo Geo, Neo Geo. Four bright buttons and two joysticks.
Neo Geo, Neo Geo. Cool red cab and a name that sticks.

No one quite did 2D fighters like you did.
No one quite did runnin' and gunnin' like you did
No one quite did Puzzle Bobble like you did
I'll always love my four slot model cause I, I...

I played that cab for hours on end to the point where that thing was my only friend.
With a heavy machine gun in my hand I beat Metal Slug over and over again.
You're 32 bits of endless fun. You're a 1990 revolution.
You're ahead of the game. You are the best. You're the SNK king of MVS.

You're an attractive machine in a pretty red dress.
When I'm playing as Mai I wanna give you a kiss.
Forget Chun Li when there's Shiranui.
She'll knock you out with those big ninja bee's.

I'm the Samurai Showdown digital god when you're playing against me
and my ninja dog. I'm like Galford with my cool blond hair.
But I dont have a ninja dog. I have a ninja chair.

Neo Geo, Neo Geo. Four bright buttons and two joysticks.
Neo Geo, Neo Geo. Cool red cab and a name that sticks.

OK so we all know that Neo Geo MVS arcade cabinet is the best thing to ever exist on the planet. That's obvious. If you were born then you know that. If you don't know that then you're technically not alive. So you might wanna get that checked out.
but there's also another best thing on the planet. Listen up.

ScrewAttack's the place it's all at. With a name like that it's so bad,
ask me where I get my retro games. The answer I give will never change.
It's a magical land named GameAttack. OK it's just a store but it's near Dallas.

The place to be is SGC. If you went down there then you saw me.
I'll never forget the wet konga or the hotel front desk babe named Sonya.
I never did get my kiss of death. But if I go next year I'm sure she'll say yes.

Yeah ScrewAttack is really cool but I ran out of material.
I dont know what else to say about that website so I'll just say go to it
cause it's really cool. Uh right? Was that good? You like my song?

Neo Geo, Neo Geo. Four bright buttons and two joysticks.
Neo Geo, Neo Geo. Cool red cab and a name that sticks.

The guys on RacketBoy are gonna love this one.
Track Name: Classic Gaming Wiz
Keith Apicary is the classic gaming wiz
Talking classics is what he does, he's the king of Genesis

I'm Keith Apicary I'm the classic gaming wiz
Talking classics is what I do, I'm the king of Genesis

Let me just write up a list of the best systems to exist.
First we have the Neo Geo arcade cab MVS.
I've been rocking rocking single slot 100 in 1 yellow cart.
Puzzle Bobble, KOF, Metal Slug 1 through 6.
Then we have the king of games the mighty Sega Genesis. The only thing I need to say is super Sonic for the win.

Keith Apicary is the classic gaming wiz
Talking classics is what he does, he's the king of Genesis

Hi my name is Keith Apicary, I'm 28 years old and I love classic video games. Sega CD, Neo Geo, Virtual Boy... Yes I said Virtual Boy. Do you have a problem with revolutionary systems from the future? Well you better not let me know that because...

I look just like Rambo with my Menacer gun. When I'm playing Corpse Killer I'm killing zombie scum. Super Nintendo's got that stupid Super Scope. I don't use that gun cause I ain't no joke.

Talk-ing Classics, Talk, Talking Classics, Hey!
Talk-ing Classics, Talk, Talking Classics, Hey!
K, E, I, T, H, A,P,I,C,A,R,Y
K, E, I, T, H, A,P,I,C,A,R,Y

They call me the reeker. The re, re, re, reeker. Cause I reek so much havoc I'm a le, le, leg sweeper.
I've been winning my street fights pulling down, down, right, rights. When I'm knocking out your lights and you'll be dreaming Sega's Nights.

Now check out my dance move it's called House Of The Dead. Dance like a zombie that was just shot in the head. Jiggle your arms and act all creepy. Just make sure you're jamming to a Sega CD.

Keith Apicary is the classic gaming wiz
Talking classics is what he does, he's the king of Genesis
Keith Apicary is the classic gaming wiz
Talking classics is what he does, he's the king of Genesis

GO!

K, E, I, T, H, A,P,I,C,A,R,Y
K, E, I, T, H, A,P,I,C,A,R,Y
Talk-ing Classics, Talk, Talking Classics, Hey!
Talk-ing Classics, Talk, Talking Classics, Hey! x2

Seeeega!
Track Name: Virtual Boy Song
Go!

Go get that Virtual Boy. That futuristic toy. My eyes will be destroyed with 90's digital joy.

Enter the world of black and red. Within fifteen minutes your brain is dead. Now wait a second don't get me wrong the Virtual Boy is so awesome.

Critics say you're a virtual mess when I think you're the virtual best. Take me away to another place with forty five pounds strapped to my face. Six double A's to outer space with temporary mind erase. Video gaming while I walk no everybody thinks I'm Robocop.

Everyone else must be insane thats part of the fun to get migraines. Side affects include hair loss and leprechaun face like brentalfloss. I bought you new for eighteen bucks in the bargain rack at Toys R Us. I'll never forget my first hurt neck or that time I felt my brain reset.

This thing has caused me so much pain but it's the only way a real man games. You bring my video games to life while preventing me from getting wife.

Go!
Go get that Virtual Boy. That futuristic toy. My eyes will be destroyed with 90's digital joy.

I must put an emphasis on Virtual Boy's Mario Tennis. I played that game for so long the thing deserves it's own song. It's like Andre Agassi's on your face. Yeah uh huh I rest my case.

Do you like looking at fat men? Try in the 3rd dimension. Warioland will satisfy with an obesely evil bad guy. Made virtual love to his stache then I got pupil rash. Casual gamers always quit. They beat a level then they're sick. I beat those game in just one sit. I'm virtuality legit. I don't appreciate trash talking when I see these gamers mocking. The Angry Video Game nerd your episode was just absurd. What do you mean its portable? When all you need is some velcro. You're 3D gaming and you don't even know that you walked into the middle of the road.

Now, you're, dead. From the 24 bits on your head.
So fly away to Heaven. Guided by red lights. It's divine intervention. Virtual Boy saved your life. Cause it's as big as a helmet.

This red dream is more than a toy. This machine is a V Boy. Travel away to another land while I drop a dump into the can. Digital art in two eye slots. I feel bad for cyclops. Do not play if you have turrets and it's pretty lame for pirates.

Just imagine what it could have been with a few more colors not black and red. My ET shaped little digital friend. You're as good as Tron only you're times ten. The imitators never came close like Vortex game and stupid R Zone. 2010 and all we get is Wii motion plus and freaking Kinect. Go get, go get, go get, go get...

Go get that Virtual Boy. That futuristic toy. My eyes will be destroyed with 90's digital joy.

Welcome to dimension three. Welcome to reality.
Track Name: Sonic The Hedgesong
S, O, N, I, C - T, H, E - Hedgehog x4

Up, Down, Left, Right, A and Start is the code you used to enter my heart. On June 23rd in 1991. It was on that day they invented fun. Tapping your toes cause I took too long. I forgot to pause when I'm on the phone. Running so fast through the Green Hill Zone. Sonic hits the speeds that Nintendon't.

Sonic is, the best there is. 16 bits of some serious biz.
And he's got a cool attitude with a life of no rules.
He'll pwn some newbs with those running shoes.
A serious case of furious feet.
The Webster's Dictionary definition of LEET. GO!

S, O, N, I, C - T, H, E - Hedgehog x4

I can't take more Mario Bros.
(those stupid overrated jerks)
One more Wa-Hoo and I'll explode. Cause I'm...

I'm a 90's teen with a bad attitude. I need something fast I need something rude. I don't wanna be a plumber. I don't wanna be an elf. I wanna run faster than a bat out of Hell-o my name is Keith and I'm not gonna lie. When you turned 3D it made me cry. But it's OK yeah it's alright. Cause number 4 is fricking tight.

Sonic the Hedgehog is the best there is cause Sonic the Hedgehog's on Genesis.
Sonic the Hedgehog is gaming bliss cause Sonic the Hedgehog's is 16 bits.

S, O, N, I, C - T, H, E - Hedgehog x4

Sega!
credits
Track Name: BrentalLoss
I was in a contest against brentalfloss.
And I'm still not sure just how I have lost.
I wished and prayed and kept all of my fingers crossed.
But now it's time for me to pay the ultimate cost.
So I have to sing a song about how awesome he is.
And if I did those lyrics would go just like this...


Everybody.


Happy now? brentalfloss I just want you to know I mean every word.

Sega!
Track Name: Dreamcast 2 Song (Upped Vocals)
On the brink of the new century. Sega cast a shadow upon the future. That shadow changed video games forever. They were no longer known as games. They were now dreams. Dreams that came true.

1999 the world is living in it's prime and we got Disney Afternoon some Ecto Coolers and Boku. Adult juice box.
Skating around the town with my new Jnco's falling down. I rip a power slide to stop in front of Funcoland game shop.

Whoa, stop, stop. Wait guys stop. What is that little grey box?

Oh thats just Sega's masterpiece. The Dreamcast 128 bit beast. 2001 the Dreamcasts done that's it, no more. That things deceased.

No! This simply can't be true. The Dreamcast is through? There must be a 2 ow! Sega I know I can count on you to follow through. Please tell me oow!

Do you know if dreams come true? Because if they do the Dreamcast 2 is true.
Do you know if dreams come true? Cause if they do theres a Dreamcast 2.

How could it end when it barely began? Just take it from me Sega's loyalist fan. The DC2 will be stronger then man. With a million bit graphics it'll cost a grand. Been searching for this thing all across the land. I asked Olivia Munn but she didn't understand. Well I know the truth. Sega's got a plan. They're secretly developing a new Seaman plus Power Stone 3 and a second Gundam. And they'll fix that laser and the crazy loud fan. Available for Christmas in 3010.

Do you know if dreams come true? Because if they do the Dreamcast 2 is true.
Do you know if dreams come true? Cause if they do theres a Dreamcast 2.

Go!

Do you know if dreams come true? Because if they do the Dreamcast 2 is true.
Do you know if dreams come true? Cause if they do theres a Dreamcast 2.
Track Name: T.M.N.T.S.O.N.G.
Cowabunga!
Was the word that you all screamed after you invaded my thirteen inch TV.
Then you kicked the crap out of my OG NES, and drained my Genesis of all of it's blast process.
Spent the weekend on a hyper stone heist. Then when I got back I fought a tournament fight.
My first side scrolling, button mashed packed, beat em' up.
I'll never forget the night we went all the way because...

I was just a nine year old kid when I beat Turtles II, just sayin'.

I'm in love with the Ninja Turtles
Way more than with stupid girls
I wanna sleep down in the sewers
Stay out all night beating up foot soldiers

Cause I'm in love with the Ninja Turtles
Way more than with stupid girls
I wanna sleep down in the sewers
Stay out all night beating up foot soldiers

If anyone wants to point me in the direction of some toxic ooze I'd really appreciate it.
I've been growing my zits out lately and popping them but unfortunately pus doesn't turn you into a Ninja Turtle.

I mastered the arcade game from twenty years of playing.
The original thing not some replica MAME.
I'm taking down Krang I jump kicked him in the brain.
Haven't showered all week cause I hope I turn green.
I wanna live in a secret sewer lair, then grow a half shell and lose my hair.
Thanks to male pattern baldness I'm half way there.
And I'll admit I love you more than Ghost Busters.

Yeah, I'm not afraid to say it. The Ninja Turtles are way cooler than the Ghost Busters. Yeah I like the Ghost Busters but for one you don't see the Ninja Turtles shooting people dead grandmothers in the face with particle accelerating lightning bolts. Not a good enough reason? OK.

I love the Ninja Turtles more than any other thing.
I played those games and used those toys more hours than rats spend on Rat King.
I'm like Casey Jones their human bro. I love April, go ninja go.
I said it before and I'll say it again. Man I love being a turtle!
Turtles II changed the game. Since 91' I can't stop playin'.
I traveled to dimension X with my Sega Genesis.
I'm even down with Shadow Jones and Dark Turtles their evil clones.
You came out of your shells I still loved ya, like Vanilla Ice said, Go Ninja!

Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!

I am a twenty eight year old Kid and I beat Turtles III this morning.

I'm in love with the Ninja Turtles
Way more than with stupid girls
I wanna sleep down in the sewers
Stay out all night beating up foot soldiers

Cause I'm in love with the Ninja Turtles
Way more than with stupid girls
I wanna sleep down in the sewers
Stay out all night beating up foot soldiers

I'm in love with the Ninja Turtles way more than with any stupid girls.
I wanna sleep over in your secret sewer lair. But before I do I need you guys to put on some underwear. Cause you're totally naked.
Track Name: Say Gah
S E G A Sega's what I wanna play
M E G A Mega Drivin' every day
I'm from the Streets of Rage
Blast my process in your face
I'll be riding Mega Drive
Up until the day I die

Now I got something that I wanna say
and I'm dropping it on beats by FantomenK
This is for the 1337, the ones who get just what I'm selling
How about some Ristar? Or some classic Mazin Saga?
I know that I out-leeted ya if you're now searching on Wikipedia
I'm drowning in my Sega knowledge
Impressing girls who go to college
I'm just like "Yeah, what's up girl? I like to play the real obscure
Did I mention I own Gley Lancer?"
I'm droppin' names in front of her
Why is she now rolling her eyes?
I just committed Segacide

I saw beyond oasis
I'm shining in the darkness
I am the ranger X
Riding over populous

SNES may as well wear a dress
I couldn't care less for a stupid princess
Why does Mortal Kombat's blood look like vomit?
If you want a blood bath buy a Sega then press...

ABACA and double B
I'm ripping dudes heads off ever since 93'
I wanna play my Genesis
Blast me with that proccess
I'll be riding Mega Drive up until the day I die

Up Down Left Right A Start

S E G A Sega's what I wanna play
M E G A Mega Drivin' every day
I'm from the Streets of Rage
Blast my process in your face
I'll be riding Mega Drive
Up until the day I die

S E G A Sega's what I wanna play
I'll be riding Mega Drive up until the day I die
Track Name: Koopa Bounce
OK let me see if I can get these lyrics to drip from my lips in the right order. Do me a favor and...

Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce
on that Koopa Troopa
Sorry Genesis but I love my SNES now

Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce
on that Koopa Troopa
Every time a Koopa dies there's a blue hedgehog who cries

You runs so fast, you look so cool. I love my blue dude.
Just me and you up on those loops. We don't need mushrooms.
But 30 years is a long time to avoid such a gold mine.
Please Sonic don't cry. Just going for a new ride.
A hungry guy who's mean and green. His name's YOSHI.
A lasso tongue that chugs the fun. Uh yes please!
It's such a new world. I feel like a school girl.
I'll spin attack until I hurl then stomp through that Wiggler.
OK this game is serious. That Big Boo you cannot trust.
Just stare him down. Don't be a puss.
Just strategize. You cannot rush.
But right now I run around as Bowser's balls are falling down.
And after an hour now I say Sir please meet the ground.

Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce
on that Koopa Troopa
Sorry Genesis but I love my SNES now

Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce
on that Koopa Troopa
Every time a Koopa dies there's a blue hedgehog who cries

Listen Genesis. It's not that I don't love you. it's just that I can't keep chasing Tails. I wanna experience other worlds. Smell the fire flowers.
Plus I get the hint with all these rings and emeralds you're dropping but right now I just wanna bounce bounce bounce on that Koopa Troopa.
I'm sorry Sega.

Time is ticking down. I am so tired of the ground. i wanna fly above the clouds. Tell me who can stop me now. Oh and I'll take on the world.

Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce
on that Koopa Troopa
Sorry Genesis but I love my SNES now

Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce
on that Koopa Troopa
Every time a Koopa dies there's a blue hedgehog who cries